I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
