I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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