If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
