maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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