Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
