she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize