He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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