I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
