he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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