Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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