That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I won the penis lottery.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
