Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
