i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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