Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
