Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
