i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
