how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
