Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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