3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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