If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
