Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
