so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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