were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's paint friendship bongs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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