Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
