My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
