What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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