Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
