1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
