Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
