I bet he comes in French.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize