Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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