you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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