I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
