i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
