no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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