I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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