You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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