she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
