If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
