I'm gonna have a badass scar
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I could make wine with my vomit
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
