So drunk its hurt
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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