my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
