Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
