I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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