May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
