After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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