based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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