I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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