she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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