Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
