your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
