Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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