would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
