is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
