How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
