Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
