she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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