FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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