I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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