There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
