bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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