I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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