So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize