I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
