my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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