you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well you can't waste a boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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