Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
