you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
