Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
