Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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