she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
