So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
