I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
